Kaledioscope
by Falling Tears of Death
Summary: If nothing else Itachi is the best of the darkest parts of Kakashi. He is the shattered kaleidoscope that Kakashi must view his world in.


Summary: If nothing else Itachi is the best of the darkest parts of Kakashi. He is the shattered kaleidoscope that Kakashi must view his world in.

A/N: I was challenged by a good friend of mine, my writing soul mate Indigo's ocean. She wanted me to do a Itachi/Kakashi and take a break from Kiba/Shino. So I have and I hope you all enjoy. This takes place before the Uchiha tragedy.

Warnings: Kakashi/Itachi, past mentions of Kakashi and Rin as well as Kakashi and Obito. Spoiler warning perhaps if you don't know the truth about Itachi yet….if that's the case go read the manga and catch yourself up!!

Read/Review!!

_--I'm an addict for dramatics_

_I confuse the two for love_

_You can't tell me that you don't beg…_

_Liar (liar)_

_If we're keeping score_

_We're all choir boys at best_

_(Intrusive and arrogant)—Taking Back Sunday_

On the days when Kakashi loves her the most—he hates him. He feels her sometimes, like a phantom pressing ice lips across his fingers. Then he'll look down and see red-red-red like her blood, like the first time in the forest and Obito punched him hard in the face. They were falling apart…even then.

Its moments like these when Kakashi will raise his hand, ready to strike and stare down at expectant eyes. Waiting. Mocking. He'll stop. "You're just a kid" and his voice always feels raspy as he watches, helplessly stuck, as an elegant eyebrow rises in a silent way of saying: and what does _that_ mean. Nothing.

It doesn't _mean_ anything but Kakashi still can't bring himself to hit him. He's too tired now.

It happens sometimes. Moments when he's too apathetic about it all and that's when Kakashi lets himself feel a little sad for Itachi.

Its fleeting and its impossible but still…Kakashi does.

Itachi doesn't need his sympathy. It's a conclusion that Kakashi comes to every moment of everyday, which is long when its drenched in red-red-red. Sometimes Kakashi feels like crying.

Its unfair really. Sometimes like now he just gets on his knees, brings himself to eyelevel and strokes Itachi's smirking face.

He _knows._ He always knows. And he's smug about it too. Kakashi grips his jaw hard enough to bruise the way he was bruised after Obito punched him. Kakashi had wore a mask over it but he had felt like everyone could tell. Like they knew. Or at least, Obito knew and that always made his jaw ache worse.

"My mouth bleeds now." Itachi looks at him placidly. Maybe he would nod but Kakashi's grip is too strong.

Kakashi likes him like this. Quite and submissive. Likes him enough hat he can forget how Itachi's so cold, so calculating. "Sometimes twice a day. I can't figure out why." Itachi looks amused but that's no change. Itachi is _always_ amused.

Always with that look of being better. "You're a liar" his voice is smooth and terrifying at the same time.

It reminds Kakashi of his nightmares. "Crazy" and he says it out loud, more to himself than anyone else.

Kakashi loosens his grip, lets go. He doesn't feel like loving Itachi anymore. There's no bruise. Kakashi almost wants to hit him, but that wouldn't be fair.

"I'm just a kid" his voice is haunting, like the voice Kakashi had when his dad died or when his hands were shaking against Rin's overheated skin, that time in the forest.

It sounds…burdened. "I know." But it's a lie because Kakashi doesn't know. He's never been good at understanding these things.

He's sure Itachi knows that. Is sure that Itachi can see it even if his eyes were black as tar.

"I'm sorry" Kakashi mumbles like a little prayer and Itachi just stares. Kakashi hates that the most…the staring. It reminds him of Obito who was always watching, watching with that same sad smile on his face. It made Kakashi feel dirty.

He isn't sure what he feels when he's with Itachi. Itachi who was still a child with that look of desperation and something too similar to pain. Itachi who felt too old and aged against his fingertips.

Sometimes Itachi feels like the best parts of Kakashi and all Kakashi wants to do is hold him close. Close in the way he held Rin as she bled underneath him. Close in the way after Obito punched him he kissed his knuckles and soothed the bruises away.

Itachi rubs his mask but makes no move to remove it. There's nothing underneath that Itachi needs. Then he kisses him and Kakashi moves his lips, feels dark cloth being shoved in his mouth and it feels like gagging, choking on himself.

Its almost tender. "Is your mouth bleeding still?" Kakashi shrugs "I think it's the wire, cutting in my jaw." Itachi nods as if he understands. There's always a wire cutting something apart. Somedays Kakashi feels like Itachi is the wire cutting him apart into little equally sized pieces. Maybe into 5 cm squares that he could feed to the dogs later.

If Obito were here he'd find this all too funny and Rin would probably cry. The great Kakashi unraveling in the hands of a teenager.

Kakashi breathes in deep and finally says what he has been meaning to say this whole time. "I hear there is some talk about the Uchiha clan being eradicated." Itachi doesn't look startled or stunned but instead just leans back and rakes a hand through his silky hair. "I love my brother."

And for not the first time that day Kakashi feels lost like he's suffocating, like when Obito shoved him against the well and kissed him so hard he wanted to faint.

"I hear you're the one. The one they've chosen."

Itachi raises an eyebrow. "No. That's just a rumor." But he's using _that_ voice. The one that reminds Kakashi of shouting out for help and it damn near breaks his heart. "Liar" he whispers but it still feels suddenly too loud.

"I have no reason to lie to you, except when I do but of course that's different." Kakashi wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. "Then how can I ever believe you?" It's a legitimate question and Kakashi feels proud of himself for this checkmate.

"People can believe a lot of convoluted and impossible things…if they are desperate enough. So then I suppose the real question here is—how desperate are you to believe in me?" It makes Kakashi think of Rin, of Obito, of how no matter how much of a failure he was they were always there…watching, watching, and waiting.

"As desperate as I am to believe anything I suppose." Itachi look like he wants to cry. "I love my brother."

Kakashi can't argue with him. More than anything right now Kakashi kind of just hates himself as much as he's ever hated everything.

_--I don't love you, I'm just passing the time_

_You could love me if I knew how to lie_

_But who could love me? I'm out of my mind_

_Throwing a line out to sea_

_To see if I can catch a dream—Panic! At the Disco_


End file.
